


We Bend in Dust

by sunzeniths



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Total Recall Fusion, F/M, False Identity, False Memories, Memory Alteration, liberties were taken
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:48:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23423452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunzeniths/pseuds/sunzeniths
Summary: When I dream all I see is you.Natalie Rushman leads an ordinary life with an ordinary job. Her reality consists of an unchanging, stale routine she shares with her husband. That is until she sees herself as a hunted woman; a superspy, skilled soldier- on the run alongside a mysterious rebel fighter of dark blonde hair and vibrant blue eyes. As the visions blur the lines between truth and fiction, she finds herself questioning her very existence: are these mere dreams, or are they memories of a life she doesn't remember?Total Recall (2012) Clintasha AU.
Relationships: Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov
Kudos: 17





	We Bend in Dust

**Author's Note:**

> Just an idea I've been toying with since circa 2014? It's been a long time coming. My take on a Total Recall (2012) AU, with a bit of a genderswap twist. This is also sort of a canonical AU, if that makes sense. Most backstories/characters are Marvel canon-compliant, only within the bigger universe of Total Recall and with a few liberties taken.
> 
> Tags/warnings will probably change as new chapters are posted.

_I'm lost inside the pain I feel without you._

* * *

All my body registers is the searing cold. Silence and shadows my only company. _Alone, alone._ I dangle loosely between trance and truth.

The affable touch is what brings me back from the edge. I follow what are only whispers— _echoes_ , until they become a voice I recognize.

_We have to get out of here. There isn’t much time. They’re coming._

I am flat on the floor when my lids unfold faintly. The taste of copper sticks to the corners of my bleak lips. My wrists are covered in prick marks— the tumbled operating table to my left might have something to do with this. _My body convulses in horror._

“We have to go, _now_.”

I meet his gaze and parse him for a split second. Dirty blonde hair, piercing blue eyes, and a smile that effortlessly quells away the sickening feel in my stomach. He hands me a gun and leads me down the dimly lit corridors. The windchill sends my long red strands rushing in every direction as I try to ignore the heavy footsteps in the far distance— something I fail at miserably.

_It’s all in my head._

There are bodies everywhere obstructing our path. _I stumble._

He catches me by the arm, trains his voice to offer reassuring words while his face tells another story: things are not going to end well. I’m not really sure where we are, or why we are being chased, but the danger feels very real.

The maze that is this place plays tricks with my brain. _We’ve been here before._ I tread carefully, weapon trained straight ahead as the swarm of bullets fly right past us. I pull him into the first opening I find and hardly manage to slam the door shut before his body pins me against the wall. _Thump._

His build shields me completely and I notice how his leather jacket glows against the flashing lights. _It is very flattering on him_. The glass window on the door tells us there isn’t much time— _they are upon us._ He turns his attention to me, exhales, kisses me, and I profess my undying love to him. The smirk on his face when he hears the confession is the sweetest thing my eyes have ever witnessed.

“You and your timing.”

Our lips meet again, and an explosion brings me back from the spellbinding moment, forcing me to withdraw from him. The kiss is electric, magnetic, hypnotic. We stand in half-light, and I struggle to swallow the lump in my throat. He gives me a downcast smile and presses the bridge of his nose against my cheek.

I pull him by the hand and scramble to get us to the window on the far left. _Our only chance at freedom._ A crack comes from the opposite side of the room and we know we don’t stand a chance against those machines— against the Federation’s ruthless technology. There’s no avoiding it now— _we both know it._ They would never allow for me defect like that; it was just a matter of time before they took matters into their own hands.

The door that keeps them at bay is quickly crumbling as we will time to stand still.

“You have to go,” I cry. _You have to go._ They are inside now. _GO._

_THUMP. THUMP._

I shield his body with my own and force him over the windowsill, but don’t let go. Clutching one of his hands desperately, I study him intently, every feature, every crevice of his skin, every imperfection. Maybe if I look long enough, if I memorize his face— _imprint it deep within my mind_ …maybe whatever they try to do to my brain won’t work? _A child’s prayer._

_CRASH. CRASH._

“Go,” my trembling voice barely manages to get out.

“I won’t leave you,” he says.

_BANG. BANG._

A bullet rips through our joined hands and he screeches his teeth. The pain is extraordinary, but we manage to hold on. “I will find you,” I lie. _I promise._ “But you have to go,” the solid door is but a pile of ashes now. “Get back to headquarters…” they shoot their novelty weapon and I feel the suffocating grasp of the tendrils on me. “…tell the others.”

_No, no, no. You are coming with me._

_It’s okay. I will find you._

I reach behind and remove the silver piece of jewelry— my dear, prized possession— given to me by him all those years ago. I am never without it around my neck.

“Here,” I place it on top of his palm. “Take this with you.”

“No,” he sputters. “It’s yours.”

“You give it back to me,” I nod, uncertain of my own words. “Okay? When we see each other again, you give it back to me.”

“N— ,”

“Go,” I am forced to let go to save him. His scream is visceral. It’s a relatively long fall but I know he’ll make it. I surrender to the clutch of the tendrils knowing he’ll be OK.

I see him. Before everything goes black, I see him. He presses his forehead tightly against mine and breathes me in. _I love you._ And he kisses me, oh how he kisses me. My back slams against the cold concrete and I wake up with a start.

*

He is lying next to me. Not the man from my dreams; _my husband_. Long dark hair, a bit of stubble, and large athletic shoulders.

I breathe in the warm air, disoriented. Our studio apartment feels particularly claustrophobic. I rise slowly and watch the green light on my nightstand read _6:27 AM._

_Sigh._

“Hey, gorgeous,” he envelops his arms around me.

After the initial shock passes, I smile and half-turn towards him. “Morning.”

“You had the dream again, didn’t you?” he asks. _Was it that obvious?_ I guess he would know.

I nod, a little embarrassed. “What gave it away?”

“Same thing?”

“Yeah…” I don’t know what to make of it. At this point, I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve had the dream. It’s become a constant in my life.

When I tell Dreykov about it, I spare the details about the mysterious man. _I’m trapped, trying to escape. I don’t know why they’re chasing me. I’m cornered and can’t get away._

“And it’s just you?”

“Just me and my shadow.”

_He might be onto me._

“Is it me? Our marriage?”

“What?”

“I don’t know,” he exhales. “Is your subconscious trying to tell you you’re trapped in this marriage?”

I laugh and shake my head. “No, Drey…”

“I know this isn’t exactly what we dreamed up,” he continues. “But at least we have each other, right?”

“Right,” I mutter.

He exhales and I downright miss the calculating expression on his face. “Not everyone gets to have everything they dream of.”

“I say we have it pretty good.”

He kisses me and all I feel is guilt. Something is missing— _out of place._ He might be a mind reader seeing that a sad expression washes over his face. I feel ashamed. This is Dreykov. _My husband._ I’ve known him for nine years, six of which we’ve been married. These are just dreams, some sort of sick delusion my brain is coming up with.

_And that’s all they’ll ever be; dreams._

"Hey," I whisper. "You okay?"

"Yeah," he shrugs. "Just another day in paradise."

We follow our morning routine to the teeth. He has an earlier shift today, so he hurries to get out the door as fast as he can. Before he leaves, I kiss him and we make plans for dinner. The news is once again going on and on about _Resistance_ movement— an escaped prisoner, some sort of terrorist attack; same as always, so I step out into the balcony. I watch what’s become of our world since the decline while I eat breakfast.

_Everything is so different._

Only two territories remain habitable on Earth. The Federation and yours truly, the Colony. Most civilians live in the Colony but travel to the Federation for work— a twenty-or-so minute trip. _Crazy_ , considering it’s all the way across the world. I suppose the containment was what enabled us to develop such technologies.

I’m on autopilot when I get to the massive lines that get us to work.

“Well, you look positively like crap.”

I turn around and force a smile. “Good morning to you too, B.”

_She isn’t wrong._ The best friends are the ones who are honest with you.

I don’t say much thereafter. The prospect of doing the same old boring job _over and over_ again not really doing it for me.

“What’s up with you?” she nudges me.

“I don’t know,” I shake my head. _This day has just been off._ “Do you ever get— bored with all of this?” I’m referring to the never-changing schedule of boarding _The Fall—_ our ride to work— every day at 7 AM and working long shifts building soldiers for the Federation.

It’s irritating how happy she looks when she says no.

“What’s really going on, Natalie? Are you having problems with Dreykov?”

I scowl. “No,” I say. _Am I?_ I’m not really sure.

I just wave my hand, motioning for her to let it go. _And she does._

We sit on our usual spots and I close my eyes for departure. The engines lull me away and I see him. _I see the man again_. His blue eyes gaze into mine and I feel unsteady. It’s so real, so raw. A light flashes and our lips connect in such an intoxicating way it thrills my nerves. Everything is so easy, _so clear._

And I love him, I love him, _I love him_. But who he is I have no idea.

➶⋈

**Author's Note:**

> IDK, the fake memories storyline fits a Clintasha narrative so well this story writes itself! I've only written this much so far, but I've had an outline for this story in my brain for years now, and I'm excited to see where it goes. I would love to know what you guys think. ^^


End file.
